Third Semester Reflections

Before I begin this reflection, I'd like to reiterate on some thoughts from my first semester reflections. My thoughts during this semester in particular have much to do with my own personal circumstances and perspectives on college life, and as such I don't think they reflect any grander truth about Sophomore year or college in general. 

With that being said, "Sophomore Slump" is a well known phenomenon is it not? With the novelty of freshman year fully worn off, Sophomores must confront arguably the toughest questions of their young lives as immediate concerns, especially for those colleges and universities which have major or concentration declarations during this year. Though I may view my reflections as intensely personal, my sense is that my fellow students would voice similar concerns. Of course, I cannot say I have confirmed for myself whether this is true, though I have tried. Perhaps this disclaimer is more indicative of an unhealthy solitude than anything...

I noticed that my writings this semester adopted a graver tone than usual. As I look back on the semester from the comfort of vacation time, I realize how challenging this third semester of college has been to me on many fronts. Sure, the coursework itself was more difficult and I had a longer list of goals I wanted to work towards. But I think what really caused me to struggle this past semester was my own ideological questioning on the purpose of college, my studies, relationships, and life in general.

Such questions surely cross the minds of all young people at some point or another. Perhaps Sophomore year is just when the abstract questions start to fuse with reality. One begins to see more clearly where he/she is going given his/her current beliefs and lifestyle. At this same time, one's friends and family often enter a period of transition as well. Old friends will take diverging paths, or perhaps grow more distant. The student's family is faced with the burden of financing his/her education. While the student is beginning to face the realities of the "real world", perhaps the parents are also faced with contemplations about the meaning of the latter half of their lives. Retirement, dreams, fulfillment, mortality... It's a big bag of deep and volatile topics, perhaps prone to mood swings much in the same way as their sons and daughters are. 

And in all of this, the student's empathy has grown. He/she sees the family changing, friends evolving, and society advancing in its ever confounding way. What does he/she make of all of it?

...

Perhaps it is best simply to not make anything at all. I have lately been trying to adopt a philosophy which simply ignores these big questions, at least for now. Perhaps the young mind simply was not meant to ponder such things.

For now, it is probably best to simply live life and absorb as much of it as you can, without reflecting too deeply on it. I'm reminded of an essay by Marina Keegan published in the Yale Daily News. Titled, "The Opposite of Loneliness", it espouses a deeply heartening, yet simple view of college life in spite of all its uncertainties. In particular, I was struck by this quote from the young author:

"We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. That it’s too late now to BEGIN a beginning and we must settle for continuance, for commencement."

(Full Article)

Yes, this third semester has been a bit of a stumble for me in some ways. But I need to do my best to keep my life in perspective, and not attach such finality to my actions or the paths I take. Hopefully next semester I'll try more to absorb college life for what it is, rather than seeing its faults and rejecting it for what I think it should be.

A Letter to High School Students

The following is a letter I wrote to students in my high school in response to a prompt from my Sophomore English teacher. The prompt was:

1) Explain to students in high school that yes, what they are learning matters.
2) Share your part of your life story so current students may reach out to you and learn from all that you have done.

Hopefully you'll find it interesting!

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Student of EGHS,

High school is a confusing time. Amidst the daily difficulties of getting up at 6 in the morning and juggling packed schedules, one's mind begins to see the world from a more thoughtful perspective that is often as confounding as it is enlightening. Pressure from friends, family, and society only complicates things even more. As I look back on it all as a college student, it was truly an overwhelming experience at times.

Of course, you know all this already. In fact, you've probably heard it many times from innumerable sources. I remember the feeling. Everyone acknowledged that high school was difficult. But that recognition did little to alleviate the anxieties associated with the exciting, yet frightening truth in front of us: that we are truly beginning to take charge of our own lives.

I remember my reaction to this truth. Whenever possible, I simply ignored it. I took whatever path I felt I was skilled and comfortable in. One decision always led logically to another, and each of my motivations was well defined and reasoned. In short, I did everything I could to make sure that life made sense. And if you're doing that too, I offer this piece of advice: perhaps to a certain extent, you're like me, keeping things well structured and predictable, thus ignoring all the uncertainty inherent in that essential truth.

In my first year and a half of college, my attempts at making sense of life have almost all fallen apart. At critical junctions in my decision making and daily activities, I've found cracks in my old ways of thinking and as a result, have had to reevaluate what I used to believe. In short, that essential truth had, or should I say, has finally caught up to me.

I am in charge of myself. But nothing seems to make sense, and I'm not sure what I want to do.

I believe that accepting that statement above is one of the first steps to true awakening as an intellectual and as a mature adult. There are going to be events and questions in that you will desperately seek to make sense of. Yet try as you may, reaching a satisfying conclusion is impossible. That is not only ok, but inevitable and necessary. Life moves on. So long as you are open and searching, it constantly reveals new perspectives and intricacies. I say this as though I am already an old man, and indeed it's a bit haughty of me to go around making such grand statements. So take this from me as just a fellow student in pursuit of what's worthy of life, stumbling, yet gradually moving along the way.

So what does this have to do with your algebra homework or that paper you've been stuck on for the past few days? What's the point of all this? Are you going to use it for your job? Is someone going to hold you hostage unless you can recite the quadratic formula? Hopefully not. (Continued…)

These things, along with your relationships with your teachers, those groggy early mornings, lazy afternoon hangouts, your friendships, betrayals, and heartbreaks...
By engaging in all of this with honest effort, you are engaging in life and thus facing, rather than running from the truth we have been discussing. When that summer reading book actually makes you think about your life and not the date of its MAD40, you are engaging with life. When you fail a test and see it as an opportunity for improvement rather than self pity, you are engaging in life. When you talk to your teacher as a mentor and friend rather than administrator, you are engaging in life.

It's not all inspiring and beautiful though. Sometimes, engaging in life will lead you to despair. Unfortunately, such occurrences will likely not dissolve with time. But with time, they will perhaps become a source of strength and wisdom rather than weakness and insecurity. Again, I am but a wanderer as yourself, so I hope you will challenge these ideas for yourself and see if they are true.

I'll conclude with a reflection on my own time at EGHS. The material I learned help equip me for challenging coursework, but more importantly, the conversations I had and people I met kept my mind open in this increasingly narrow-minded society we live in. In particular, I felt that my time in the English department of EGHS significantly changed my trajectory as a student and as a human being. It was only through exploration and analysis of writing that my mind could successfully wrestle with the thoughts I've mentioned above. Even amidst my hiding from that essential truth, I chose to make some parts of school matter to me personally, on a deep level, not just for getting the diploma or college admission.

Those parts of school that I invested in on a personal level have continued to blossom and reward me. Fellow student, I implore you to choose to matter as well.

-Chris Luo
EGHS '14
Brown University '18