2014 & 2015

I struggled quite a bit thinking of what to title this post. I had settled on just titling it a year, but should it be 2014 or 2015? I felt that this distinction between past and present would dictate the structure of the post, and I wasn't sure which one to pick.

The ideas surrounding New Year's have always seemed to be somewhat of a contradiction to me. Is it a time to reflect on the year gone by? Or is it more about our hopes for the coming year? Of course, the stock response would be "both!" and yet there's something about the two that I have a hard time juxtaposing.

Perhaps this conflict stems from the nature of my life right now. This year has been a time of transition for me, not only in an academic/lifestyle sense, but in many others as well. Concepts in life that had felt so distant in high school, such as finances and full independence, are suddenly demanding acknowledgement and careful consideration. Mentally, I've been pondering a lot on the nature of the distinction between idealism and cold reality. Actually, whether reality should be considered "cold" or beautiful in its own way has also been a subject of much of my thought.

I'm often tempted to dismiss these vague thoughts as nothing more than your average teenage angst. Perhaps it is simply the result of my own indecisiveness, or a lack of hardship and desire in life. Or are such questions simply the natural thoughts of any young adult?

These questions are the defining part of New Year's for me. Each year I consider what questions I've had answered, which remain uncertain, and which are to come. These "categories" seem pretty distinct when I phrase it like that, but in reality, their form is a lot more amorphous. They're not necessarily split into "past" and "present" but rather they are constantly growing and evolving together. This is true even of the questions I think I've already answered.

So then, is New Year's a time for looking to the past or future?

If they are not viewed in a binary manner, "both" really is a good answer.

This reminds me of a similar idea that I expressed back in 10th grade, when my "writing portfolio" was a mess of invisible font colors and distracting background. The idea came from a poem called, "Begin." As I read it again, I think 15 year old me had a point, even if the way it was expressed wasn't the most clear.

I've found that as we go into the future (young people especially), We tend to start disregarding our past, particularly any errors or immaturities we exhibited. And yet who we once were doesn't need to be internalized as a concrete idea or some permanent stain on our character. It's meaning grows with us, and I think that embracing our past is one of the best ways to be happy in the present and to make a more meaningful future.

But enough of all the philosophizing. In all of this, I seem to have forgotten one of the most important aspects of New Year's. Celebrating and enjoying the presence of friends and family. So for now, I'll put my mind (and keyboard) to rest. Happy 2014 & 2015 everyone!